>>12718
"I command you in the name of the SOS Brigade. Hand over a computer at once! No grumbling, no excuses!" Haruki demanded again. The Computer Club President shook her head.
"I have no idea who you guys are, but there's no way you're getting one of our PCs! Go buy your own!"
"Hah!" Haruki snorted.
"If you're of that mind... well... we have our ways of ensuring co-operation."
His eyes blazed with confidence. I had a baaad feeling about this.
Haruki started to pace the room, slowly, like a lion stalking its prey. "I've heard... rumours... about a certain group of girls who are into some really nasty, forbidden, stuff." he said, quietly, but with an undertone of menace. "They even produce their own doujinshi to sell at Comiket, using official school funding... at least, that's what the rumours say."
He whirled suddenly and slammed a fist into a bookshelf, causing a box to topple onto the floor and spill its contents everywhere. I flushed as I caught a glimpse of all the man-on-man images staring up out of the pages of the fallen magazines before I managed to avert my gaze.
"W-we can explain!"
The president began to protest loudly, but she, too, was suddenly blushing like mad. "Those are our, um - our private, um-"
"Silence!"
Haruki had apparently had enough.
"Here's how this is going to go down." he said, suddenly stooping and putting his face down close to the President's. "You're going to give us a computer, and I'm not going to tell anybody that you're making gay porn manga with the school's money. Understand?"
"Did you come here just to blackmail us?" one of the members asked, trying to stand up.
"No, I came here to extort a computer from you."
That’s the same thing!
“...No.”
The president had decided to stand up for herself.
“Even if you tell the administration, we can just get rid of the magazines! You'll have no proof! What do you say to that?"
Haruki grinned like a Cheshire Cat. "Kyon, do me a huge favour, and take a picture of these magazines, would you?"
Click!
I reluctantly pressed the shutter button. Great, now I’m an accessory to blackmail.
“Kyaaaaaah!”
That would be the President, shrieking.
“Y-you still don’t have any proof! That photo could have been taken in any room in this building!”
Still grinning, Haruki swept the hair back out of his face. “Okay, then. We’ll trade." he said. "We’ll take your computer, and you can have Mitsuuru-kun as your personal shouta butler. I notice you guys seem to be into that kinda thing.”
The president blushed slightly and looked sideways at Asahina-senpai.
“Our personal butler…? But... but how do we know he isn’t just some girl you grabbed and threw into a male uniform?”
“Oh, that’s easy enough.”
Haruki shoved Asahina-senpai, who was standing dazed next to him, towards the President, and then - with lightning speed - grabbed her hand and shoved it down Asahina-senpai's pants.
"KYAAA-"
"WAHHH-"
Click!
To the sound of the two of them screaming, I clicked the shutter of the digital camera once again. Haruki grabbed Asahina-senpai, who was trying desperately to escape, and punted the President on top of him. "Kyon! One more shot!"
I reluctantly clicked the shutter button again. Asahina-senpai, nameless President, forgive me.
"WHA- WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
The president had managed to roll off of Asahina-senpai. Haruki wiggled his finger in the President's bright red face.
"Tsk tsk! If the photos of your gay porn aren't enough, this should be sufficient evidence to convince the administration to disband your little 'club'!"
"T-that's ridiculous!" the President objected furiously. I really felt sorry for her. "You forced me to do it! I'm completely innocent this time!"
This time?
"Oh? How many people are going to believe your story? What with the rumours, and soon the photos... who's gonna take your side?"
I turned to look at Asahina-senpai, lying sprawled on the floor. Guess he must have been so shocked that he'd been totally drained of energy. Meanwhile, the nameless President continued to attempt to resist.
"Th-The other members of the Club are all witnesses to my innocence! That was all against my will!"
The other four members who had been standing dumbstruck around the room all nodded their heads vehemently.
"That's right!"
"Our President is innocent!"
If Haruki had listened to you, then, well, he wouldn't be Haruki. "I'll just say the whole club gang-raped him!"
You could have heard a pin drop.
“T-that’s stupid! Girls can’t rape guys!”
“Really now?" Haruki smiled. "Let me tell you a story. A story of a poor, innocent upperclassman, who had been passing through this hallway, who happened upon a group of sick, depraved females. These women, they decided to entice him into their den of evil with candy, and other such sweets. But lo! When he entered, he was set upon, by these cruel women, who then proceeded to touch him in all sorts of uncomfortable places! But I, Supremely Manly Commander of the SOS Brigade, arrived in the nick of time, and managed to obtain evidence as to their crimes before rescuing the hapless upperclassman! Behold, for I am now a Hero!"
Haruki laughed long and loud.
I think this is the point where I should check him into a mental asylum.
"But-but- Suzumiya-san! T-that's n-not what happen-"
Haruki lightly kicked off Asahina-san, who was clinging desperately to his legs, and haughtily puffed up his chest. "So? What's it gonna be? You gonna hand over a computer... or not?"
The President's face, which had gone from normal, to red, to white over this ordeal, finally turned ashen. She had been defeated.
"J... J... Just pick one and get out!" she managed to snarl, before collapsing dejectedly into a chair.
